Jeeves Stories by P. G. Wodehouse

Author:P. G. Wodehouse
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Tags: Upper class -- Fiction, Humorous stories, Valets -- Fiction, Short stories, Jeeves (Fictitious character) -- Fiction, Single men -- Fiction, English, Bertie (Fictitious character) -- Fiction, England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction, Wooster
Publisher: Standard Ebooks
Published: 2019-09-19T21:46:14+00:00

Scoring Off Jeeves

If there’s one thing I like, it’s a quiet life. I’m not one of those fel­lows who get all rest­less and de­pressed if things aren’t hap­pen­ing to them all the time. You can’t make it too pla­cid for me. Give me reg­u­lar meals, a good show with de­cent mu­sic every now and then, and one or two pals to tot­ter round with, and I ask no more.

That is why the jar, when it came, was such a par­tic­u­larly nasty jar. I mean, I’d re­turned from Roville with a sort of feel­ing that from now on noth­ing could oc­cur to up­set me. Aunt Agatha, I ima­gined, would re­quire at least a year to re­cover from the Hem­ming­way af­fair: and apart from Aunt Agatha there isn’t any­body who really does much in the way of har­ry­ing me. It seemed to me that the skies were blue, so to speak, and no clouds in sight.

I little thought. … Well, look here, what happened was this, and I ask you if it wasn’t enough to rattle any­body.

Once a year Jeeves takes a couple of weeks’ va­ca­tion and biffs off to the sea or some­where to re­store his tis­sues. Pretty rot­ten for me, of course, while he’s away. But it has to be stuck, so I stick it; and I must ad­mit that he usu­ally man­ages to get hold of a fairly de­cent fel­low to look after me in his ab­sence.

Well, the time had come round again, and Jeeves was in the kit­chen giv­ing the un­der­study a few tips about his du­ties. I happened to want a stamp or some­thing, and I toddled down the pas­sage to ask him for it. The silly ass had left the kit­chen door open, and I hadn’t gone two steps when his voice caught me squarely in the eardrum.

“You will find Mr. Wooster,” he was say­ing to the sub­sti­tute chap­pie, “an ex­ceed­ingly pleas­ant and ami­able young gen­tle­man, but not in­tel­li­gent. By no means in­tel­li­gent. Ment­ally he is neg­li­gible—quite neg­li­gible.”

Well, I mean to say, what!

I sup­pose, strictly speak­ing, I ought to have charged in and ticked the blighter off prop­erly in no un­cer­tain voice. But I doubt whether it’s hu­manly pos­sible to tick Jeeves off. Per­son­ally, I didn’t even have a dash at it. I merely called for my hat and stick in a marked man­ner and legged it. But the memory rankled, if you know what I mean. We Woost­ers do not lightly for­get. At least, we do—some things—ap­point­ments, and people’s birth­days, and let­ters to post, and all that—but not an ab­so­lute bally in­sult like the above. I brooded like the dick­ens.

I was still brood­ing when I dropped in at the oyster-bar at Buck’s for a quick bracer. I needed a bracer rather par­tic­u­larly at the mo­ment, be­cause I was on my way to lunch with Aunt Agatha. A pretty fright­ful or­deal, be­lieve me or be­lieve me not, even though I took it that after what had happened at Roville she would be in a fairly sub­dued and ami­able mood.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.